Sing along to the theme from Grease The Movie Grease - Summer Nights

Bill:"Summer intern, had me a blast" Monica: "White house intern, happened so fast" Bill: "Met a girl, crazy for me" Monica: "Met the prez, down on my knees" Bill: "Summer days, sucking away, oh, I, but those summer nights" Grand Jury: "Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah. uh. Tell us more, tell us more" Linda Tripp "Try to remember your best" Grand Jury: "Tell us more, tell us more" Kenneth Starr: "Did he cum on your dress?" Grand Jury: Uh-huh....Uh-huh...Uh-huh.... Grand Jury: Uh-huh....Uh-huh....Uh-huh.... ============================== pause ============================== Bill: "Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp" Monica: "The prez is sexy - he makes my panties damp" Bill: "She gave me head, right in the White House" Monica: "I said OK, just don't come in my mouth" Bill: "Summer days, gobbling away, oh, I, but those summer nights" Grand Jury:"Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah. uh. Tell us more, tell us more" Linda Tripp "He sounds like a swell guy" Grand Jury:"Tell us more, tell us more" Kenneth Starr:"Did he tell you to lie?" ============================== pause ============================== Slower now Bill: "Press found out, it turned into a mess" Monica: "He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress" Bill: "She promised to lie, she made a vow" Monica: "Wonder who is servicing him now" Bill & Monica: "Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seam But.........oh Those White House Nights"

Chasing Monica's Tail A Tale by Dr. Seuss Mr Starr: I am Starr. Starr I are. I'm a brilliant barri-star. I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky? Did you grope her in your house? Did you grope beneath her blouse? Did she give you gifts and ties? Were you spied by prying eyes? Mr Clinton: I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near her giant hair! I did not join -- even for fun, The Mile High Club in Air Force One, So stow your feathers and your tar, I did not do her Starr you are! Mr Starr: Did you smile? Did you Flirt? Did you peek beneath her skirt? And did you tell the girl to lie, When called upon to testify? Mr. Clinton: That is it, you've gone too far! I do not like you Starr you are! I will not answer any more! In fact, I think I'll start a war! The public's easy to distract, When bombs are falling on Iraq!

Sung to the tune of "A Few of My Favorite Things" from the movie "The Sound of Music" The Bill Clinton version: My Favorite Things Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places, Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces, Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie spring, These are a few of my favorite things Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers, Horny young interns who while 'way the hours, Profits from futures that Hillary brings, These are a few of my favorite things Beating the draft board and getting elected, Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected, Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing, These are a few of my favorite things Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury, Coming out fine after having knee surgery, [Falling down drunk that required knee surgery - Alt] Stars in the White House who come here to sing, These are a few of my favorite things Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony, States of the Union with lots of baloney, Winning debates and the joy of my flings, These are a few of my favorite things When that Jones bites, When Ken Starr stings, When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad © copyright 1998 Wayne Aaronson

AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial: "I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face. "This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way I know how: head on. "I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it. "Thank you." Monica Lewinsky

Sung to the tune of THE THEME SONG OF GILLIGAN'S ISLAND) Oh sit right back and you'll hear a tale A tale of a fateful trip That started in Hope, Arkansas 'Tween Jennifer Flowers' hips Her date was the mighty governor, Bill Clinton was his name. One night he met young Paula Jones And on to her he came. And on to her he came. Whitewater started getting rough. His mighty dick was lost. If not for the help of the Highway Patrol, He couldn't get it off, He couldn't get it off. Willie left town and settled in this gorgeous new White House With Hillary, that damn cat too, The Vice-President and his wife, Kenneth Starr, and a bed Here at Slick Willie's Place! So this is the tale of our President, He shows nothing now but class. Nothing can distract him Except a piece of a**. The First Lady and Tipper too Will do their very best To see that Willie's comfortable In his government love nest. He moves, he strikes, he reels them in, He feels the passion burn. Before she knows just what is up, He's banged the new intern. So join us here in court my friend, I'm sure that you'll be pleased. Just give your deposition Down upon your knees.

Similarities between Nixon and Clinton
Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Waterbed
Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs Clinton: Worried about carpet burns
Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: (No difference)
Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying "He's the one!"
Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot
Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh Clinton: Took on Ho
Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor Clinton: Talked about getting a piece while on her

Presidents Ford, Reagan, Carter, Nixon and Clinton were on a ship that hit an iceberg. Ford screamed, "What should we do?" Reagan said, "Man the lifeboats." Carter said, "Women first." Nixon said, "Screw the women!" Clinton said, "Do you think we have time?"

Entry #1
The once was a gal named Lewinsky Who played on a flute like Stravinsky 'Twas "Hail to the Chief" On this flute made of beef That stole the front page from Kaczynsky.

Entry #2
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynsky. Since you look such a mess, Use the hem of your dress And wipe that stuff off your chinsky.

Entry #3
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown What Kaczynsky must surely have known: That an intern is better Than a bomb in a letter, When given a chance to be blown.

Entry #4
There was a young girl named Lewinsky Who caused as much stir as Kaczynsky When on Ken Starr's lap She confided, when trapped, "Bill Clinton is hung like Nijinsky*" (* The racehorse, not the dancer. )